Give up Blogging? YAY OR NAY?

I know it’s been a while since my last post (sincere apologies – world’s worst blogger) but my life has been a bit all over the place recently and I’m here to explain why.

I’ve developed blog fear. I started feeling a bit low about it all and wondering, am I really helping people? Or am I just typing my thoughts and feelings onto a website to vent my own problems? The aim of the blog was to do both but Im really not sure what direction it is heading in.

Writing this, now - is very difficult as I am obviously not sure what kind of feedback I’ll receive from it but I would appreciate some so I can make a decision whether to carry on the blog. The last thing I would want to do is give it up but I do need to take my own feelings into consideration.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my Anxiety and wondering; will this EVER go away? I surely cannot go on feeling like this for the rest of my life. Yes, I have much better days where im barely bothered by it but I cant seem to get any enjoyment from anything just now.

I read an article in the Daily Mail earlier this year that some Psychologists from New Zealand have found that some of us are actually too scared to be happy or enjoy the moment because we fear that the happiness will be taken away from us or that something bad will happen. It’s like the second you feel you’re enjoying life it literally turns upside down for you. It sounds awful but im beginning to wonder if im one of those people. The article also stated that in America, “happiness is one of the most important values guiding people's lives. Western cultures are more driven by an urge to maximize happiness and minimize sadness”. Which I agree with, people who are more happy an out-going in life are more likely to succeed and enjoy the moment. Its just, how do you find that happiness and how do you hold onto it?

All these thoughts have been gathering in my head and it is genuinely one of the hardest things to process. Especially due to the fact I am actually quite a positive person (I know – shocker).

To add to the mix of negative brain activity I’ve also been very sleep deprived. One of the reasons is because I got a kitten!! I absolutely love him and he has honestly made me feel 10 times better but even he can’t take the Anxiety away. As much as he has been a major positive in my life, he seems to love keeping me awake… ALL NIGHT, so that’s a barrel of laughs! I also have had terrible OCD recently. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned in any of my previous posts but a lot of Anxiety sufferers suffer from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) as a side effect from Anxiety. So, I have been up through the night going into my lounge and making sure the rug is aligned properly with the two sofas (I give you full permission to laugh at me), if the rug is touching the sofas I get extremely anxious and spend at least 20 minutes straightening out so it’s completely accurate again. Then I check at least 10 times a night if my gas hob and oven is turned off. I’ll go and check it and literally say to myself “off, off, that’s off, off”, go back to bed, get comfortable again and then instantly think, “but did I check that”? I know it sounds so weird but it is honestly horrible and tiring. I have a cheek as there are people suffering in the world and people dying but having these issues and not being able to help yourself is very tough.

So as you can see I’ve been having a bit of a crap time.

I have thought of idea, I have not done it yet so I do not know how much it is going to help me but it’s worth a shot. I am going to write up a chart - one side will state things that make me happy and the other things that make me low/triggers my anxiety, really putting a lot of thought into it. I am going to stick it to the back of my bedroom door and tackle one bad thing at a time. The reason I will write up the pros to my life is to remind myself of them and to do them more. I will obviously report back to you all on this but please feel free to do this with me and we can do it together. Like I say though - only tackle one at a time. Don’t get ahead of yourself, especially when you have Anxiety, we need our thoughts to process calmly and in a smooth manner. It will be interesting to see the results in a couple of month’s time.

In the meantime I am going to Norway later this week to visit my Mum along with my boyfriend, so I have something positive to work towards. Having something to look forward to has always been a personal Anxiety (temporary) healer of mine. Maybe all I need is a break!

In the meantime, I would be grateful if you could give me some feedback on the blog and let me know if it is helping you and if I should continue it.

And remember… don’t forget to share and subscribe!

I’ll be back after my break :-)

Thanks a million – Holly xo

Comments

[Dylan Bradley13]

Hey holly i have just checked my emaiks and just recieved this one i hope that you have and do keep writting your blog as the ones i have read have really helped me with my anxiety and depression! I really like your idea of keeping a chart i think i will start doing that too and keep you informed about my progress! I will also check
my emails more often and keep reading your blogs as they are really helpfull!
I used to write down my thoughts and how i was feeling and try to put them into songs abd poems but iv not been able ti write anything in somevtime now as i hate leaving my room because of my anxiety and i fear something bad is going to happen, i also feel that everyone is judgeing me and lookkng down in me, ive felt this way ever since i was in in school for years my insecurities have been eating away at me, i just wish it would all go away so i coukd live a normal life... Ive known you for years and went to school together but i have never told many people about my situation and i allways out in a mask and an act so that people thought i was allways happy cheersfull so they would allways come to me for ideas of what we coukd do for fun, pass time or where to go at the weekends... I was wondering if we could talk to eachother through FB since we are allready friends and have similar issues and dificulties in life

Best wishes DB xx

[Dylan Bradley13]

Hey holly i have just checked my emaiks and just recieved this one i hope that you have and do keep writting your blog as the ones i have read have really helped me with my anxiety and depression! I really like your idea of keeping a chart i think i will start doing that too and keep you informed about my progress! I will also check
my emails more often and keep reading your blogs as they are really helpfull!
I used to write down my thoughts and how i was feeling and try to put them into songs abd poems but iv not been able ti write anything in somevtime now as i hate leaving my room because of my anxiety and i fear something bad is going to happen, i also feel that everyone is judgeing me and lookkng down in me, ive felt this way ever since i was in in school for years my insecurities have been eating away at me, i just wish it would all go away so i coukd live a normal life... Ive known you for years and went to school together but i have never told many people about my situation and i allways out in a mask and an act so that people thought i was allways happy cheersfull so they would allways come to me for ideas of what we coukd do for fun, pass time or where to go at the weekends... I was wondering if we could talk to eachother through FB since we are allready friends and have similar issues and dificulties in life

Best wishes DB xx

[Cara mengobati kencing nanah]

good post

[Gemma]

Hi Holly, how are you? So this is the first time I've actually commented on one of your blogs, even though I've been reading them since you started. I just wanted to say that if you choose to stop blogging, then that is 100% your decision, but if the reason that you started blogging in the first place was to help at least one person, then let me just tell you that you've done that. I've suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for the last 3 years, and although I have the most supportive family and friends that I could ever ask for, at times I still feel completely alone. They can try to understand, but they'll never fully get it. I stumbled across your blog recently, and we're both Scottish and around the same age, so I instantly felt like I could relate to you. Your blogs really help me to realise that I'm not alone, and that there is someone else out there who understands how I feel. You've no idea how much that means to me. So anyway, if you choose to stop blogging I'll completely understand, but I really hope you don't. With love and respect, Gemma xx

[Holly Stirling]

Hi Gemma, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Your words truly mean a lot to me and you will be glad to hear I am going to continue to blog! (Yay)! I hope you enjoy the posts to come and please don't hesitate to message me if you need a chat. Lots of Love, Holly xx

[Scott Getty]

Holly, I don't know if you should continue with your blog or not, I have enjoyed reading it in terms of just knowing that it has come from a very personal place and typing those words may have in some small way made you feel better for a while. I really feel for you because I personally know what you are feeling, I am sitting in teeside university library right now in Middlesbrough, having been offered my place on the sports science course I wanted & having just moved down with Caroline, now that one statement might sound like a good thing and I do hope it turns out to be in the long run but at this precise moment in time we are essentially homeless and have both quit our jobs to take this chance, we need to stay in B&Bs and keep moving about until we can start again with a new flat, jobs and pretty much everything from scratch again. we have taken a massive gamble some people think we are nuts but it's something I have to do and not let my anxiety/depression stop me achieving the career I want and deserve with the hard work I done in college prior to this and what I'm getting at is that I have never felt more anxious in my life, I feel physically sick at it all, There are lots of us who feel like you. Just you think about that and know that if I could take my anxiety and yours and get completely rid of them I would, since we can't do that just know I am thinking of you even though I am going through this down here!! I think if anything that proves we can all care for each other even with this horrible illness. Chin up Holly! I'll keep fighting away also ok. I PROMISE x

[Holly Stirling]

Hello you! First of all, WELL DONE! I know how bad your anxiety is and the fact you have both made that move is truly amazing!!! It will make you feel like that but try and think positive, taking a gamble after all is the bravest thing you can do. I personally think you're more nuts if you didn't take the opportunity. You'll be glad to hear I'm sticking to it for now! I want to make a change and help support us all in the same boat. Let me know how you're getting on with your new life. Best of luck to you & Caroline. Speak soon x